How do you find forgiveness after an affair? How do you forgive your victimizer? How do you forgive your abuser? How do you forgive yourself? Any situation that requires forgiveness is usually a very painful situation and it seems that the greater the pain that was involved, the more difficult it is to find forgiveness. But, how is it that some people who have experienced emotional devastation have been able to find forgiveness? Finding forgiveness is not a mental exercise; it can only be acquired through connecting with the Divine Source/God.
* Forgiveness requires the trinity: surrender, non-judgement and love.
* Surrender means having the ultimate trust in the Divine Source and the forces and principles at work in the universe as well as a knowing that everything is unfolding into the plan of the Divine. Surrender means having no desire to hold onto the hate, anger and fear, but to choose to live life in peace. Holding on to toxic emotions locks the door to an emotional prison. Forgiveness is the key to the prison’s cell door.
* Non-Judgement means choosing to release any judgements about why the situation happened and what you feel needed to be done to the person that did it. Non-judgement means to release all expectations as well as placing blame about the situation, and to know that sometimes the things that happen in life are beyond our understanding, and that everything happens for a reason, even though that reason might not be revealed for a time. There are no accidents in life, only lessons and grand opportunities for spiritual growth. Non-judgement is a knowing that all is in a divine order.
* Love is the pill, cure, antidote and solution to any and every problem on earth; however, it is at the apex of the trinity. Think of your heart as a container. When you are “in love”, you feel like your heart is filled up and overflowing with love. In contrast, when you are feeling angry, resentful, guilt ridden or hateful etc., your heart feels so shriveled up it does not even feel like it is there anymore. There is just a hole that is so deep that it swallows up all your toxic emotions with plenty of room left over. Now, which one feels better, Love or all that toxicity? Which one is more empowering, nurturing and life sustaining?
Finding forgiveness begins with a conscious choice to surrender the situation to the Most High (“With the Divine Source, all things are possible”). It can and usually is a process because when emotional pains are very deep, a person must allow themselves to go through their healing process. Some people need to feel and work through their anger, whereas others possess the ability to immediately release that anger so that they may move forward unfettered. Everyone’s self-healing abilities and processes are different.
Let’s look at the word Forgiveness a little differently, first the definition:
Forgiveness – to give up resentment against or the desire to punish: stop being
angry with; inclination to forgive or pardon; to give up all claim to
Next, let’s change the letters around a little and see what other words (with their definitions) can be found in the word Forgiveness:
Forge – to move forward steadily, as if against difficulties
I’ve (I have) - to hold in the hand or in control; own; possess; an understanding of;
to know; mastery of
give- to sacrifice; relinquish; surrender
ness– state, quality, or instance of being; action
Free – not under the control of some other person or some arbitrary power; able
toact or think without compulsion or arbitrary restriction; independence; having liberty.
The word Forgiveness can now be interpreted as: I possess the ability and understanding to move beyond this situation, into a higher state of being. I acknowledge my behavior; I relinquish and surrender all anger. I am free!
A suggested process to forgiveness is:
Prayer - ask the Most High for the strength to find forgiveness within your heart and also to face the challenge
Face It - acknowledgement that forgiveness is needed; acknowledge your possible role in the situation and accept responsibility for your actions or inaction’s; acknowledgement of the source of the anger, resentment, guilt or fear that is the catalyst behind the need for forgiveness.
Erase It – once the problem has been identified, work to bring closure or resolution to the situation
Release It – let the situation go and move on with a peaceful heart, without blame and no longer hold the other person or yourself emotionally hostage to the situation
Replace It – with positive thoughts which will bring about peace and freedom to the heart, mind and the Spirit
Love is the most powerful act that a person can give and receive. The second most powerful act is Forgiveness. Forgiving others is important, but it is just as important to forgive ourselves. Forgiveness of self might have stemmed from being involved in an abusive situation, from an action or an act that was taken, or an action or an act that was not taken, from words spoken or words gone unsaid. The inability to forgive can ultimately lead to deep seeded emotional problems as well as physical ailments. The price of non-forgiveness is always high.We all must learn to forgive because none of us have been saints, and at some point in our lives we have hurt someone and wanted forgiveness. Learn to forgive and love others. It will bring a joy to your heart that you have never imagined. Be bold enough to take the first step in forgiveness, after all look at what you have to gain or loose.
Ma’at Seba is a motivational speaker and writer. Email her at Maatseba@yahoo.com or call (313) 861-1118.
Mom on the Rebound
By D. L. Gibson
SUN LIFESTYLE COLUMNIST
A loud voice that sounded like Pastor Thug Life traveled from the back of the emergency room all of the way into the front lobby. We all ran to the glass door, hoping to catch a glimpse of who it was. This was going from bad to worse.
The voice we all heard was not Pastor Thug Life. It was his brother. I guess Pastor and Bishop had filled him in on what was going on. His brother responded with rage. I guess the Pastor wasn’t the only thug in his family. His oldest brother was a thug too. But, he was taking his thugistry to a whole new level.
He was going through the emergency room, yanking back curtains looking for Tweetie and his friends.
Security was called to stop him. ‘You don’t want none of this,” he shouted. “Don’t even try to put your hands on me or you’ll regret it!”
Security decided that their chances were better in numbers as oppose to taking him on, one by one. They bum rushed him and tackled him to the ground. But, he wasn’t staying down for the count. He was throwing guys off of him like they were little stick people. This was bigger than a brawl in the mall.
When Pastor Thug Life saw his brother lying on the ground with a bunch of guys on top of him, he busted out of the small emergency room to set it off. I whipped out my camera phone trying to capture footage of the brawl. This would surely make the news. How often do you see a fight break out in the hospital emergency room between hospital security and patients.
People were pushing and shoving trying to get to the front door to see the action. They were pushing me back and forth, and I was pushing back and standing my ground.
Someone screamed when they saw Pastor Thug Life ball up his fists and hit one of the security guards in the jaw. Oh Lord...The neighborhood police station was bound to be filled with deacons and the pastor of our church. They must surely think that we’re hypocrites and a bunch of thugs.
If they only knew the truth, they would think twice before they say we’re defaming God’s name. Actually, we’re trying to preserve its sanctity and keep it clean. After what seemed to be eternity, the fight finally stopped. Pastor Thug Life and his brother were both arrested. They were taken into a back room and separated from everybody else to cool down.
Then, all of a sudden Tweetie comes sashaying by with bandages and all. Pastor Thug life must has x-ray vision and powers like Superman. He breaks free from the guards and races after him. If he wasn’t still handcuffed, poor Tweetie would be a dead bird.
Although the cuffs prevented him from putting his hands on Tweetie, it didn’t stop him from trying to strangle him. Oh Lord...please don’t let Pastor Thug Life kill him. Before security could restrain Pastor Thug Life again, he had managed to catch the little bird. He got him into a head lot and wrapped the cuffs around his neck. I was capturing everything on my camera phone, for this was too good to be true.
Poor Tweetie was kicking and screaming. Then, all of a sudden the screams stops. When security had finally stopped Pastor, Tweetie was silent. His body was moving. Then, Pastor Thug Life released his headlock, and Tweetie’s body dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes. He wasn’t moving. All of a sudden, we heard code blue being announced over the intercom. Doctors and nurses came running out from every crack and hole in the hospital.
Please say it ain’t so. Did Pastor Thug Life just kill Tweetie?
Mom on the Rebound is based on actual events.
All heil our heroes
By Dr. John Telford
As our righteous fight to save our public schools approaches the final battle, it is fitting that those unsung heroes who have kept the torch of justice aflame throughout the past decade-and-a-half of DPS' unwarranted and Jim Crowist state takeover become lauded in this column.
Foremost among these heroes have been school activist Helen Moore and her grassroots group 'Keep-the-Vote-No-Takeover' and the democratically elected former DPS Board--LaMar Lemmons, Juvette Hawkins-Williams, Elena Herrada, Ida Short, Reverend David Murray, Patricia Johnson-Singleton, Wanda Akilah Redmond, Tawana Simpson. and Herman Davis. It was my privilege to serve pro bono as this rightful Board's chosen Superintendent until Gov. Snyder's emergency manager disempowered them and fired me when Public Act 436 took effect and canceled Michiganians' overwhelmingly successful but ultimately fruitless rejection of PA 4, the Republican-dominated state government's detested emergency management law which remains unlawfully alive.
Others who have continued to crusade in our righteous cause on behalf of Detroit's schoolchildren are Attorneys Tom Bleakley, Tracy Peters, Tom Stephens of Detroiters Resisting Emergency Management (D-REM) , Drew Paterson, Ralph Simpson, Herb Sanders, Jerry Goldberg, Paula Johnson, Herman Griffin, Isaac Robinson, Alice Jennings, Buck Davis, George Washington, and Anthony Adams. Some others are journalists Keith Owens, Diane Bukowski, Theresa Kelly, Valerie Lockhart, Eloni Wilks, Tim Moore, R. J. Watkins, Cliff Russell, Greg Thrasher, Zenobia Jeffries, Gina Steward, Curt Guyette, Michael Jackman, Mildred Gaddis, Chastity Pratt-Dawsey, Sherman Eaton, Karen Dumas, Bankole Thompson, Gloria Cunningham, Charlie LeDuff, Steve Hood, Kate Levy, Henry Tyler, and Allie Gross; state legislators Sherry Gay-Dagnogo, Rosemary Robinson, Coleman Young, and former legislators Ellen Cogen Lipton and Hansen Clarke; clergy Bill Wiley-Kellermann, Joan Ross, Edwin Rowe, Arkles C. Brooks, Charles E. Williams II, Gregory Guice, Cedric Banks, David Alexander Bullock, Horace Sheffield, Keenan Knox, and Malik Shabazz; educators Tom Pedroni, Sharon Howell, Aurora harris, Willie Wooten, Yolanda Herbert, Victor B. Gibson, Josh Bassett, Adrienne Lee Telford, Peter Hammer, Eddie Green, Angela Johnson, Gloria House, Christal Bonner, Greg Dunmore, Claude Tiller, Walt Jenkins, the late Irving Petross, Keith Johnson, Carl Taylor, David Snead, Rhoda Stamell, Linda Spight, Ellen Stephens, the late James Lee, the late Charles Lewis, the late Greta Barclay Lipson, N.O.W. official Geraldine Barclay, M. L. Liebler, the late Avery Jackson Jr., Betty Hines, Alvin Ward, john a. powell, Bianca Suarez, Steve Conn, the late Will Robinson, Reginald Kirkland, Reginald Bradford, James Hare, Jason Patton, Terry Truvillion, Karen Twomey, Andy Rio, Stephanie Rivers, Tom Banks, Andre Brooks, James Beasley, and Bob Thomas. Also included here are the late great Grace Lee Boggs and her compadres Michael "Doc" Holbrook, Tawana "Honeycomb" Petty, and Richard Feldman; Monica Lewis-Patrick, Valerie Glenn-Simons, Yusef Shakur, Natasha An'ee, Kimmi Cee, Virginia Starkey, Joe and Darlene Barber, Tom Barrow, Wendy Baxter, Edna Bell, Peter Bernard, Richard Bernstein, Jim Bibbs, Margaret Betts, Stella Boswell, Verna Brocks, Theo Broughton, Ken Brush, Herb Boyd, Tom Choske, Robert Davis, Darrell Dawsey, Dawn DeRose, Bill Dickens, the late Bruce Sullivan Feaster, George Gaines, Jane Garcia, Agnes Hitchcock, Kim Hunter, Orlin Jones, Russ Bellant, Luther Keith, Beverly Kindle-Walker, Stuart Kirschenbaum, Krystal Crittendon, Marianne McGuire, Yvonne McKay, Tony Merritt, Aliya Moore, Robert Muha, Deborah Omokehinde, Pauline Onyango, Yolanda Peoples, Mildred Williams, Charlie Primas, Ann Rall, Sam Riddle, Shari Rogers, Barry Ross, Satori Shakoor, Wardell Montgomery, Michael Shane, Janet Jones, Kristen Stevens, Donna Stern, Kathleen Straus, Maureen Taylor, Julie Telang, Allan and Gloria Tellis, Jean Vortkamp, Thomas Walker, Keih McClellan, Marie Thornton, Maulana Tolbert, Demeeko Williams, Keith Williams, Jimmy Womack, R. E. Wollack, Ray Wright, Randy Williams, Tommy Sledge, Lila Cabbil, and the late Joe Hudson.
I'm aware that some may not agree with a few of the names I put on this list, and I could have added more--but they all contributed in some way to our cause. I now need to add the names of latecomers to the cause: the newest (and currently interim) Superintendent Alycia Meriweather, the DFT's Ivy Bailey, and newly elected DPSCD Board members Iris Taylor, Misha Stallworth, Sonya Mays, Georgia Lemmons, Angelique Peterson-Mayberry, Deborah Hunter-Harville, and also NON-latecomer LaMar Lemmons (the only new Board member who also served on the old democratically elected Board that the state government unconstitutionally disempowered). Since Mayor Michael Duggan opposed the takeover recently on my radio show, I'll add him, too, along with my Council representative Mary Sheffield and her Common Council colleagues who have now finally declared that they recognize the mortal danger to our schoolchildren and therefore to all ordinary Detroiters. The Free Press' Stephen Henderson--plus Wendell Anthony and others among the previously reticent mega-clergy--appear to be totally on board now, too. It remains now for ALL of us to unite, roll up our sleeves, and prepare to do final battle with those corporacratic charter affiliates and other Schuette, Trump and DeVos minions (or dupes) who are on the brink of snatching (or allowing them to snatch) our precious schools away from us, and ultimately Jim-Crow all of them--and all of us--forever.
Recent Mayoral and School Board candidate and former international track star John Telford was named Wayne State University's Distinguished Alumnus of the Year in 2001 (for civil-rights activism) and a 2016 recipient of the State of Michigan's Defend Public Education Committee's Lifetime Achievement Award, among several similar awards. His website is www.AlifeontheRUN.com. Hear him Sundays at 3:00 on NewsTalk1200 (the call-in number is 568-1200). Get his best-selling books at Amazon.com (type in Dr. John Telford). Read him in this newspaper, in the Michigan Chronicle, and on the D-REM website, and contact him at DrJohnTelfordEdD@aol.com or (313) 460-8272.